Uyen Nguyen Hill
2 April, 2012
RD3
Honesty in Our Relationships
Good morning graduating class of 2010, before I begin I would like to congratulate you on your accomplishments. I would like to ask you to think back at all of the relationships you have had during your life and the short two years you have been at our Kapiolani Community College, and ask yourself, what is the main foundation for all of those relationships? As for me, honesty has always been the foundation on which I build my relationships. [THESIS]Therefore, among many things I could talk about today, I have picked the topic of honesty and its long-term consequences in our personal and professional lives [THESIS].
I would like to start off with a quote from Canadian Psychologist Timothy Quek,
“…compulsive lying usually accompanies other problem behaviors such as stealing, cheating, aggression, violent temper tantrums, skipping school, constantly losing items, and poor behavior in groups, social settings or figures.”
This sentence says it all. Lying is most popular form of dishonesty. Even though children and teenagers are Dr. Quek’s most frequent customers, his statement is true for everyone. When people steal, cheat, skip school, lose items and have poor behavior, they lie about it. Instead of being honest and admitting the truth, they would rather defense themselves by telling lies. And for those who have chosen lies to be their friends, honest people would become their biggest enemies.
I have always remembered what my classmate Jasmine Nardo from Argumentative English class said, “In my opinion, the most compelling reason to be honest at all times is when I am with great friends asking them for honest advice and vice versa.” Her statement is very true. Many times the truth hurts when lies don’t but your true friends will always choose the truth. They would rather risk the friendship than letting you have a blind confidence in something or someone. Most of all, one cannot become a better person if he is on his own with no friends, family who sincerely care and tell him the truth. Ben Best, President and CEO of the world’s second largest cryonics organization Cryonics Institute asserted,
“But people justify lying to friends, associates and loved-ones on the grounds of being people of value. To maintain or enhance the esteem of those valued it can be tempting to exaggerate personal accomplishments or to cover-up embarrassing mistakes. If we cannot trust the truth to those we love, to some extent we treat them as adversaries. While this may be emotionally safe or gratifying, it is also distancing.”
When I was watching “Dancing with the Stars” on ABC last Monday night, I could see in each swing, swirl, jump and hoop, there was an invisible bond of trust between the dance partners. Without complete trust, a dancer cannot rely on his or her partner enough to throw him or herself out there to the flow of the song. This shows me the significance of trust. I am quite sure that you have been at least once in a group assignment. At first, you feel confident because you’re a hard core task completer and you expect your group mates to do the same. However, along the way, there appears this slacker who always promises to finish his work and post it on Google Docs by midnight. Next time you check, there is nothing, and this delays the entire project. That slacker then justifies himself that he had an emergency. Time through time, the group will automatically stop assigning work to that person because he appears to be a dishonest procrastinator.
This is like doing business with partners or having your own employees. All parties need to be honest to build up trust within the organization and to be able to trust others. From here, everyone is doing what they are supposed to do and believe others are doing the same. The work’s productivity will increase greatly when one does not have to worry about being used or cheated. In the end of the day, when the work is done accordingly, everyone will strengthen the trust bond and look forward to more projects to come.
Far beyond than just losing trust from others, a dishonest employee could face legal problems. As stated by Ben Best, “In business, broken promises are broken contracts — and can be the equivalent of fraud and lying.” I’m sure you still remember Bernard Ebbers, former co-founder and CEO of WorldCom, which was the second largest phone service company after AT&T. Ebbers is now serving his twenty five year prison term for convicting of fraud, conspiracy and false financial reporting, and subsequent loss of one hundred billion U.S. dollars to investors. If Ebbers was an honest person and WorldCom was still standing, we might be able to hear more ads like, Join the WorldCom’s Strikingly Fast 4G LTE Network.
Let’s go back to our current time. If you’re an American Idol fan, I’m pretty sure you still remember Jermaine Jones who’s titled “Gentle Giant”. He was brought back after failing to make the top twenty four finals. Even I thought he deserved it. However, he was recently kicked out of the show because his dishonesty about his past criminal records. While confronting Jones about his lying, the producers addressed his continuous dishonesty because he had had many chances to reveal the truth. One of the producers even stated that they could have helped him if he had been honest since the beginning. In the end, no matters what he excused himself with, “I didn’t want to get judged. I didn’t want to get penalized for anything that happened in the past”, everyone has already had in mind the Dishonest Giant.
One of the most significant relationships in life is with your partner or your spouse, who you may spend your entire life with. Speaking of honesty and trust in romantic relationships, I would like to share my own story. My husband and I just had our first anniversary in January and he had to leave for a one-year deployment a few days after. We had busy lives and cherished every moment spent with each other; thus, we’d always felt like newlyweds. Therefore, the separation was harsh, especially for a young and vulnerable girl like me. However, thanks to the honesty we’ve always had with each other; we’re confident to be apart for the whole coming year. His trusting my faithfulness will take a big burden off his shoulders. One less thing to worry about which will help him go through the tough time without his family, and complete his tasks to protect his fellow troops and our country.
Finally, the biggest consequence of a continuous dishonesty is the loss of personal dignity. Doctor Sally Caldwell states, “The fact that he lies on a regular basis might be a problem for his girlfriend or any number of other people, but it isn't a problem for him.” Once a person gets away with a tiny thing, he will lie under any circumstances. Then lying too much takes away his ability to separate truth and lies. At that point, he’s no longer a proper adult but rather a rotten lying machine. “The lying may be the one thing that lets him get through the day with his self-image intact.”
We usually do not think about honesty on a daily basis. We assume that people tell the truth. However we know that people do not always tell the truth. I know that I have not always been honest. I will be honest with you now as I look at you, your friends, and family. Endless dishonesty will cost you trust from others, risk your romantic relationship and take away your dignity. These long-term consequences are cruel and almost unfixable. There will be times when you look back and say, “Glad I told the truth.” Thank you and I wish you all the best of luck on your journey ahead. And remember, stay honest!
Works Cited
Best, Ben. “Some Philosophizing About Lying.” Welcome to the World of Ben Best Webpage. 20 March 2012 [http://www.benbest.com/philo/lying.html#loved_ones].
Caldwell, Sally. "Is Your Mate Lying?" InnerSelf Webpage. 19 June 2003 [http://www.innerself.com/Relationships/is_he_lying.htm].
Nardo, Jasmine. “Jasmine’s Position.” Online posting. 13 March 2012. Laulima Discussion. 22 March 2012 [https://laulima.hawaii.edu].
Quek, Timothy. "The Truth about a Child's Compulsive Lying." Timothy K. Quek's Webpage. 8 Apr. 2003 [http://webhome.idirect.com/~readon/lies.html].
